


15 Messages

by TheLannisterBastard



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 04:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3636525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLannisterBastard/pseuds/TheLannisterBastard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>15 voicemails left on Maria Hill's phone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	15 Messages

**Author's Note:**

> Jack is Steve and Maria's son and Phil and Tess are Natasha and Clint's twins.
> 
> Originally posted on tumblr on 1/1/15

_Wednesday, December 31, 9:03 PM_

Hey Maria, just calling to wish you a happy new year. Tony’s throwing a party later tonight of course. Bruce was able to talk him down from inviting half the city to only about a hundred people, either way the tower is going to be packed so you should be happy you aren’t here. I’d put Jack on the phone but he’s asleep and I don’t want to wake him. Call me if you get the chance but if not I’ll see you in a couple of days. Love you.

 

_Saturday, January 3, 5:10 PM_

Hill you missed your check in and exfil, is everything okay? The region is getting dangerous and you need to get out of there. Send word however you can.

 

_Sunday, January 4, 5:17 AM_

Maria is everything okay? You were supposed to be home already but you aren’t. I tried talking to Coulson but he said he hadn’t heard anything from you either. Whatever is going on, please just be safe and come home soon. Love you.

 

_Monday, January 5, 6:52 AM_

Hill this is Barnes, get your ass home before your idiot of a husband does something stupid. Last time he lost someone he crashed a fucking plane into the ocean and I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that again and quite frankly I don’t want to deal with it.

 

_Wednesday, January 7, 9:34 PM_

There was an embassy bombing yesterday over in your neck of the woods. Fifteen were killed and I’m scared one of them was you. Please, please call me Maria. Love you.

 

_Thursday, January 8, 11:48 AM_

Maria they think one of the bodies is you. Please call me and prove them wrong. Everyone is so worried and Jack hasn’t left his room in two days. Maria we both need you, please come home. I love you.

 

_Tuesday, February 3, 10:26 PM_

I don’t know why I’m leaving this. I know you aren’t going to hear it. I miss you so much. You’ve been gone less than a month and already it feels like an eternity. Jack barely talks anymore, hell I don’t talk much either. People keep trying to take me places, I guess to get my mind off of things. Whatever their objective is it isn’t working. I can’t sleep anymore, Maria. I just lie in bed hoping to wake up from this nightmare. Your pillow still smells like you. I wish I could see you just one last time.

 

_Sunday, February 22, 3:47 PM_

Er, hi Mom, dad has me going to therapy which is why I’m leaving this. My shrink said doing something like this would help and I guess maybe it will. I started going to school again last week. It was kinda hard to ignore all the staring but Phil and Tess helped and somehow I got through. My grades are shit, but then they would be after taking a month off. Tony said he would pay off the school if I’m not able to pull them up by the end of the year, Dad just kinda glared at him.

Things are so weird without you here. I almost miss the nagging if you can believe it. I wish you could come back somehow, and I don’t mean in a zombie apocalypse sort of way. Dad really misses you,  _everyone_  misses you even though this whole thing just doesn’t seem real.  I miss you mom.

 

_Thursday, March 5, 3:37 AM_

You want to know what the worst part of all this is, Maria? I can’t get drunk, not even a buzz to take the edge off. Even the weird Asguardian stuff didn’t do anything more than give me a headache, and that was after a whole bottle. Thor and Natasha passed out after their fourth or fifth glass. But now there’s me, sitting in front of the TV watching infomercials at some ungodly hour in the morning. Why did it have you be you, Maria? The other three agents with you made it out with just some broken bones. Why did you have to be the one to— forget it, not like you can hear me anyway.

 

_Sunday, March 8, 8:13 PM_

Coulson tried to get me to disconnect your number today but I just couldn’t do it. I call to hear your voicemail greeting nearly every day. Your phone doesn’t ring anymore but I can still picture your face the first time Clint changed my ringtone to that ridiculous song from the 40s. You didn’t speak to him for a week and it took two before you could get the song out of your head, but you kept it anyway. I miss moments like that the most, I think. Things just aren’t the same without you here to whip everyone into shape.

They got your headstone put in earlier today. It’s real nice Maria clean and simple, just how you would have wanted it. I was half afraid that Tony would try to add some display or something to it but he didn’t say a word, I’m pretty sure that was Pepper’s doing.  We had a large service for you back in January but now that you have a headstone we were planning on having another one, smaller this time, probably just us living in the tower. I don’t know if I can do it again, Maria. Last time I nearly had to leave, I just couldn’t handle it.

Some days I just want to scream, not at you or God or anyone specifically, just scream wordlessly.  I’m so lost, Maria, I wish you were here.

 

_Tuesday, March 31, 10:55 AM_

I’m so tired, Maria. I feel like I did before the serum. I shake all the time and can’t breathe worth a damn. Hell even sometimes I feel like I’m going to collapse under the weight of my own body. I go about my business the same as before but everything is different. I can’t focus half the time because the smallest things remind me of you. Pretty much everyone has tried to talk to me about things, help me get through the grief, nothing they say really works. Still going to counseling, even tried the support group that Sam suggested but I don’t know if it’s really helping. Maybe it is and I’m just too close to see it, I don’t know. I miss you Maria, more than I ever thought I could.

 

_Thursday, May 7, 11:18 PM_

I graduated today, Mom. Top two percent of the class, even with my horrible grades this semester. I looked for you in the crowd, I guess just out of instinct. Isn’t that what everyone does? Somewhere in my head I still hope this is all an elaborate cover for some super-secret mission and that I would spot you in some shadowy corner. But this isn’t a movie and I know that isn’t ever going to happen, even though I wish it would. Wish you could have been here.

 

_Sunday, July 5, 6:47 AM_

It’s been a while since I left a message, but I need it today Maria.

You know it’s almost laughable how much people were trying to distract me yesterday, since it was my first birthday since your death. Don’t get me wrong I appreciated it and everything but getting shuttled out to Clint’s farm for a cookout and fireworks just isn’t the same as staying in and having a nice dinner with you.

My therapist says I’m making real progress in dealing with you dying. The fact that I can actually talk about it can attest to that.  I hate that you are gone and I still miss you every single day, but I’m coping, and that’s really all I can ask for.

 

_Thursday, September 4, 8:53 PM_

Moved Jack into his dorm today. You should have been there too, we could have used an extra pair of hands, that’s for sure; I didn’t know he had that much stuff. It was had to leave him there but he’ll be fine. Our boy is all grown up, Maria, and I think we did okay.

 

_Friday, December 25, 11:32 PM_

Merry Christmas, Maria. This will probably be the last message I leave you but something tells me you won’t mind. I’m doing okay now and Jack is too. There are bad days, of course, but I get through them. Sam’s advice has really helped. I know you didn’t believe in anything after death, but wherever you are I just want you to know that I love you and that I’m going to be okay.


End file.
